Aunty Jokes: We’re Laughing at Our Own Expense
The aunty stereotype is a popular trope in both Indian and Western media. These middle-aged, South Asian women are often typecast as silly and overbearing, with an unwavering desire to control others. Recent examples of this caricature can be seen in the Netflix series Mismatched, and movies like 2 States and The Big Sick. All of the mothers in these productions are shown to be loud, dramatic, and emotionally manipulative. The problem doesn't always lie within the caricature itself. Lots of people, myself included, make jokes about the funny things their family members do. The consequence of the Aunty stereotype in particular, however, is the way it perpetuates regressive ideas and ultimately pits women against each other. As we work towards creating more diverse, empowering representations of South Asians, it is important to understand the impact of this generalisation.
The Aunty is often depicted in contrast to the "modern woman". Though both women are fighting against an oppressive system in their own way, audiences are pushed to root for one while ridiculing the other. This results in a dismissal of the unique challenges faced by different generations, and undermines the pervasive influence of patriarchal norms.
Furthermore, it does not serve younger women to perpetuate these jokes. Bonnie Burstow, the author of Radical Feminist Therapy, talks about the internalisation of misogyny in the context of father-daughter relationships: “Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, and cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.” This quote demonstrates the process of daughters absorbing sexist beliefs - they may be more educated, more well equipped in many ways, but ultimately experience the same oppression as the generations before them.
This learned helplessness[1] is sometimes demonstrated through the patriarchal bargain[2], a strategy employed by women to navigate a system that is inherently against them, often visible in relationships with in-laws.
In a society where a woman's worth is linked to her relationship with men, this bargain becomes a necessary means of self-preservation. This extends to things like the “obsession with marriage” stereotype; it is rooted in a perceived financial and physical security that comes with finding a partner. While this does not excuse regressive narratives, it is a way to understand how these dynamics form.
Abusive behaviour from older people cannot be justified under any circumstances. Many elders continue to propagate antiquated beliefs about gender roles and can cause significant psychological harm. Addressing these patterns is not solely the responsibility of younger people, and there is no denying the toxicity often perpetuated by older generations. The issue, however, lies in society’s eagerness to project that trauma disproportionately onto older women. Ridiculing an accent or a lack of opportunities reinforces a power imbalance that impacts women of all generations, but wasn’t created by any of us.
More than anything, it’s important to recognize what we all have in common. Many of these jokes are reinforcing the same suffocating norms that younger generations are trying to battle - implying that aunties are hysterical and unintelligent is a stereotype that the patriarchy already tries to impose on all women. Mothers, for example, are either in a state of eternal suffering (think Jaya Bachchan in K3G) or heavily contributing to the suffering of others.
Our proximity to men should never have been what defines our freedom and success.
By acknowledging a shared history, along with each generation’s unique struggles, we can begin to empower each other. This can include outreach that is more accessible to different generations and gives us a chance to connect, share experiences, and help each other see the patterns that ultimately serve the patriarchy. As these conversations become more nuanced, there are healthier representations of older women in South Asian movies (Sri Devi’s character in English Vinglish and Neena Gupta Badhai Ho are two such examples).
It’s essential that we work together - this means listening actively and choosing how to respond. Sometimes, this entails walking away from conversations that are not enabling progress. Other times, it means reminding each other of our shared duty to the future, cutting ties with our obligation to the past.
