The Oldest Daughter

The Oldest Daughter

The societal pressures of being the oldest daughter of an Indian family is very overwhelming. Over time, we become very dependent on people pleasing & seeking external validation for comfort. I have noticed in my life that a lot of my family dynamic is dependent on how I lead my life. I am forced to get married at a certain time otherwise my younger sister will be delayed; create a career I love but be proper in society; mitigate relationships in a way that is healthy - everything can just add up. This has resulted in me becoming the “therapist friend” in almost every friend group. I always feel the need to help or fix a situation when truly it wasn’t in my control - it wasn’t my place either.

I feel sometimes forced to almost place my pressures that I have in my life and hold expectations for others - this projection can be very unhealthy for the relationships that I wish to sustain. I wish I could say that there are things that we can do but unfortunately a lot of this comes down to parental pressure and how we mitigate that relationship. None of us really want to lose our relationship with our parents or feel like we have to choose one or the other but sometimes it can be very hard to balance how we understand the world and how we have to see it through their eyes. In my opinion, open communication can solve a lot of our problems and it’s important to say to the people that we love the pressures we feel and how we choose to go about it.