From Your Diary: Vikas Patel

“24. Dude, you’re 24.” It’s been on repeat in my head for the better part of a month. I’ve been struggling with where I am in life relative to where I thought I would be.

By now I was a supposed to be in my third year of Dental School, potentially engaged, and well on my way to being “successful” in the eyes of my parents. Where am I now? Well, I’m a semester away from being done my masters, single, and my parents aren’t exactly thrilled with my ‘success’. 

You see success is different for everyone. People may define it by immeasurable wealth or a measure of the number of friends you have around you. Others define it as being able to do what you want, when you want. My parents see it as being a Doctor and being able to afford a life, wife, and kids. Is there a correct definition of success? The dictionary has a set definition for it. Yet, it is so individualistic. My point here, is that as long as you are working towards your definition of success keep going. As long as you are doing your best, I am sure that you will get there. 

One of the most iterated phrases that I’ve heard is, “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.” Looking around me I see plenty of people that are my age that are further along in their lives and in the place that I had once hoped to be. I also see people that are finding their way. It becomes difficult to be objective and not compare. I would find myself comparing where I am to where my older brother is. Not taking into account the 8 year difference. In doing so, I would become discouraged and not put the work in. It was a matter of realizing that not everyone, even family members, are going to have the same journey.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when my cousin leaned over, and said, “Vikas, you don’t have to be the best version of Nishu, but just be the best Vikas.” Surprisingly, that is not something that I often heard. It was always, your brother did well, but you must do better. That essentially became my mindset. I was pit against my brother. It felt weird, and I spent the better part of my life chasing a ghost. The thing about chasing a ghost is that even when you catch up to it, you still cannot grasp it. Ultimately, it’s a losing mindset that has negative outcomes. It makes you feel like no matter how hard you try, you will just keep falling short. 

Following my cousins advice audited my life and delved deep into decisions I had made. It is hard unlearning certain habits that I had formed. It was easy to compare our lives and see that he was further along than I am at 24. Recently, I picked up Jay Shetty’s new book, and about 5 pages in I came across a quote that resonated with me. “The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are.” If anything is true, it’s that we cannot find ourselves in the souls of others. We must look deep within ourselves and find what our purpose is. It is not about being the best, or the best version of someone else. Simply, be the best version of yourself and the fruits of your labor will surely be sweeter than you will ever imagine. 

Through following this new mindset, my days have become more productive, I have more energy in the morning. I find myself much more motivated to study, read, exercise and it has just made me a happier person. It seems so simple, but sometimes it just helps to hear/read it from a third person perspective. So, if you take away anything, it’s: Be the best version of yourself, do things with the right intention, and please for the love of god, do not compare yourself to anyone else!

- Vikas Patel